Traitor

After her death, I really struggled with my feelings of being a traitor. People looked at me differently than when she and I were together. I struggled with what was right and wrong in my life according to the values I was raised with. I loved her, yes and always. I was attracted to certain women, but that was not the life that I wanted to have. I found a really great guy who loved me even with all of my mess. He helped me work through my grief. He let me lead my life halfway living in the past. He was my rock and kept me centered while I grew. I moved on over time, but I can sometimes still feel "traitor" burned into my chest like a scarlet letter.